If you are like me, there are tasks you want to take on to reach certain goals in your life. These tasks, though, may be unappealing to you, difficult to initiate, or difficult for you to sustain. It could be developing a workout routine, eating better, meditating, or business related such as sales outreach or social media marketing. Taking on new tasks in order to reach our goals can be uncomfortable, unenjoyable and even a bit scary; until they becomes our new normal. Getting to that new normal state can be a challenge. I found over time that I was developing a process in regard to approaching new and difficult tasks. This process made a big difference in my outcome. My old way made tackling difficult new tasks hard and no fun. I would ultimately burn out and even suffer heath issues. The magical flow and passion to continue was mostly absent for me. I would use will power and sheer grit to tackle difficult tasks.
For example, when I first heard about taking cold showers years ago, the possible health and emotional benefits, I was in. The problem was, I hated cold showers even more than I love hot ones. Disregarding that fact I jumped in the shower one morning and turned the water to cold. It was miserable. I shivered and could barely keep myself under the water. The next day I tried it again with the same results. After a few days I gave up. I have tried this a few times over the years with the same result each time.
Fast forward to a few months ago and I tried the process again. This time I approached it with a totally different mindset and process. Instead of just jumping into the cold water, at the end of a normal shower I slowly turned the water colder. I stopped at the point where it became uncomfortable to me. My mindset change was that instead of being ego driven, going for the coldest water possible, I decided to take as many days or months as I needed to gradually increase my tolerance to the cold. I removed my expectations of what I thought the outcome should be. Day after day I would slowly turn the water colder, stopping when it felt too cold. I didn’t judge myself if the best I could do was lukewarm. Some days I could not even match the level of cold from the day before. The one thing I did was insist on consistency. Every day, I ended my shower with the cold water. It took over a month, but I slowly began to enjoy the cold more, and even began to anticipate how the cold would feel good.
“The one thing I did was insist on consistency.”
As the cold water was running down my back I thought of the other areas of my life where I attempted things only to give up. I realized a pattern of jumping into things I wanted, but whose difficulty I was unprepared for, and how I struggled to mentally stay consistent. I remembered back to when I began rock climbing, bouldering well beyond my skill level. I wanted to be good in the worst way. I needed to climb the advanced climbs. Within days though, I was bored. I wanted to give up because I just could not climb those climbs. It was demoralizing not to mention boring. My form was poor, my strength and conditioning not there, and I didn’t understand the technique required. Then I decided I needed to start with the most basic climbs and master them first.
I remembered when I first tried to master extreme low speed u-turns on my motorcycle. I tried the tightest u-turn I could and almost dropped an 800 pound motorcycle. It was only when I started with very large circles, slowly over time mastering them that I was able to make the tighter turns. Day after day I practiced. Some days I was worse than the day before. I kept at it, mastering each level of turn. The process of improving at these hobby related tasks, made me think about how I handle new areas of my business life. Do I jump in, going right to the deep end, using sheer will power to keep going? Am I actually enjoying what I am doing or is it just another dull task I have to get done? What if I applied the same principles of the cold shower, bouldering and u-turns? What if I followed a process of conditioning and success at each level? The result being that I actually learn to enjoy and look forward to new tasks and activities that at first seem difficult and unpleasant.
The answer for me was a process I could follow. I believe in processes. Once I have one, there is a path to success. Here are the points I recognized I needed to understand and implement in order to have a repeatable process. A process that would allow me to tackle what I perceived to be, difficult and unenjoyable new tasks.
Know the reason why you really want it. It may seem obvious, but the reason why we do anything has to be enough to see us through the difficult points in the process. If the discomfort or fear of the activity is greater than the desire to achieve it, it will be very difficult to maintain. I wanted what I thought the value of cold showers would provide me enough to get me in the ring every day. The “why” for me personally wasn’t enough for me to stick with it, but it was enough to keep me showing up every day. I realized how much of the things I don’t enjoy doing were driven by ego desires of being better, comparing myself to others and being what I identified as successful. Those ego types of “why” never provide lasting fulfillment or enjoyment. I realized the right “why” could be enough to get me started. It set me on a path with an entirely different set of motivations. In combination with the other tools I will go over in this article, the proper motivation makes all the difference.
Don’t make yourself hate a new difficult task – Most of my life I did things I didn’t really like or enjoy. Some I downright despised. I did them because I felt they were necessary for my success. I used extreme mental focus to keep doing them. This choice was very detrimental to my health. I became anxious, was constantly under high levels of stress, and suffered physical ailments as a result. I wasn’t aware enough to realize that there was any other way. The shower analogy really showed me that even something I thought I truly hated could begin to be enjoyable if I allowed myself to feel success during the process. After all, when we are present and enjoying what we are doing, we perform at a high level and our creativity and insight are at their highest.
Success breeds more success – It is amazing how much success can build our resolve to continue. I never appreciated how much a very little amount of success, when fully appreciated, can change my mental state. Acknowledging the small successes makes me want to do more, get better, keep the course. Recognizing the small incremental wins also improves confidence and gives me enormous power and resolve to continue. The feelings of gratitude that result from acknowledging the small wins are significant. Looking back on any number of these difficult or unpleasant tasks and activates, which I have applied this process to, has shown me that there is a higher level of enjoyment. There is also a higher level of being present with the task. As opposed to wishing I could just get it done.
Be consistent – The only way this process works, I have found, is if it is applied consistently over a prolonged period of time. Using the previous points listed here will make it easier to be consistent. I noticed this with my meditation practice. It was only after many days in a row of sitting silently, alone with nothing but my ever present thoughts, that I was able to relax into the mediation and begin to enjoy the process. I often use anticipation, meaning that before I begin, I think about how much I will enjoy the benefits of the particular task. If it is mediation for example, I anticipate how relaxed I will feel after it is over, and the connection I will feel to my inner power and creativity. Consistency also helps me feel successful, which will trigger a whole range of powerful emotions.
“I often use anticipation, meaning that before I begin, I think about how much I will enjoy the benefits of the particular task.”
Will power and sheer grit work, but you most likely will never learn to love it – I know this because I lived it for over four decades. I realized that if I don’t feel some bit of enjoyment in what I am doing, I am most likely not performing that task anywhere near my peak level. Being in a state of “just getting it done” is not only unsustainable and bad for our health; it also cuts us off from our connection to the powerful creative state. That powerful creative state is how we achieve great performance. There are times when will power and grit kick in to keep us moving when everything else fails us; but only for a moment. If we live in this state too long, we will ultimately burn out and loose our resolve to push our boundaries and grow. I believe we either are growing or slowly dying.
Stay away from the fear – I have found that every time I push myself too far in any new task, I will encounter some form of fear. A little fear can be okay, it can be motivating. Too much fear can cause more resistance and add more hurdles to overcome. Fear can be sneaky. Often I don’t even realize the fear. I only realize I am in it when I am aware of the actions I am taking, or not taking. The fear can take over when we push ourselves too far beyond our skill level or mental comfort level. For me, being aware of the fear state is my best tool to combat it. One tool I use to become aware of any hidden feelings of fear is my daily meditation. I find that my body can alert me to that which my mind is unaware.
No judgment – I judged myself constantly. I was never good enough for me. I criticized myself for my inability to muscle through any task. I judged myself as weak if I gave up. I never forgot my failures and kept a running tab. Then I judged myself even more for that list. Learning to give up self judgment has been a process and I continue to find additional layers of judgment the deeper I go. Letting go of labeling most things as good or bad has given me much mental freedom. If the internal judgment occurs in the pursuit of any new, difficult task, be aware of it. Judgment I have found, takes me out of the present moment and throws me into my head. Doubt creeps in and mistakes occur. Learning to recognize the judgment and letting go of it is an important part of this process.
I set out to be consistent and follow a process with each new task I undertake, especially the difficult ones. If I fail now and again, I attempt to let it go. The reality of the process I outline here in this blog is that it is a complex give and take of many different things. Used together the above steps have allowed me to perform at a higher level than I have in the past, with more enjoyment and better results. I try to remember all this every day, going back to the “why” that started it all.